Living Life Fully
Living Life Fully
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. – May 5, 2021
It's easy to live life feeling that everything is meaningless but harder it is to live life feeling that there's a deeper meaning and purpose to our life. Yes, I know each of us has our own unique reason for living. It's only a matter of discovering what it is and living it every moment of the day. But it's good to be reminded of this always because our life's meaning & purpose changes with time and conditions.
Life is what we make out of it! - Part 1
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. – May 25, 2022
It is just a result of our choice of the so many possibilities and potentialities that unfold before us from moment to moment. It does not tell us of our nature, origin, and destiny. It is we ourselves that define its form and content.
1. The fact that we appear and exist does not mean that there was a cause for our existence. Nothing, nobody, no being caused us to exist. We simply exist.
2. We appeared simply because of chance, luck, and accidents. Nobody created us. Nobody expects us after we die. Nobody is out there in another realm waiting for us to welcome us.
You may say that somebody higher and more powerful than you created us. And you call it God or Energy. But this is because of your beliefs and upbringing that have been imposed upon you since you were born.
When we were inside the womb, we were a clean sheet of paper. People began writing on it the moment we were ejected by our mother.
3. Nobody cares for us. Nobody cares when we were born. Nobody cares when we die, even your neighbors or your close friends. At their best, they can only say their congratulations to your parents when we were born or say "condolences" to the bereaved family members when you die.
If you are perchance a President, King, Queen, or somebody very rich and famous, governments may raise their flags half mast.
But the world goes on turning on its axis once every 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.09053 seconds. It rotates around the Sun 365 days per year, nonstop. The world does not retrograde.
The people and the world do not stop or pause for a moment of silence just because you die. Whether you die or are born, the world goes on. Nobody is exempted, nobody is privileged, nobody is special, worthy enough of stopping.
4. You may say that God loves you or cares for you. But you are able to say that because you believe in God.
Around 20% of the world's population do not believe in God. Besides, there are so many Gods and Goddesses. Your God is not their God. Their God is not your God. They don't believe in your God and don't want your God. And so with you.
God only came to our lexicon when we appeared here on Earth. God is our invention to protect us from our weaknesses and limitations as well as from natural calamities.
Let us not confuse the people by saying that your God is the only true God. You are too assuming. For they too have their own Gods and Goddesses.
They wish not to be converted to your God in the same manner that you don't want to be converted to their God. Let us leave each other in peace. Nobody authorized us to go and convert people to our beliefs.
5. You may say that you believe in Jesus Christ as God, the Holy Trinity, and Mary, the mother of Jesus. But this is because you were raised and brought up as a Christian or Catholic. Other religions do not believe in them. They have other Gods and Goddesses.
Think of the Hindus, Jews, Chinese, Buddhists, Taoists, Sheikhs, Muslims, Indigenous Peoples and Communities who have not heard of God, salvation, hell, heaven, and purgatory. Don't impose your beliefs on them. Don't be too presumptuous in saying that only those who believe in your God can go to heaven.
Life is what we make out of it! Don't disturb others. They have their own lives to live and beliefs to live by.
In the Den of Lions
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. - May 30, 2022
In the past few days, I experienced what it means to be thrown into the den of lions. I learned my lessons and vowed to be no longer interested in that arena anymore, even if many Christians are willing to offer their lives to these hungry lions in front of jubilantly cheering spectators who are worse than the pack of lions themselves.
I’m inclined no longer to care about the lives and salvation of these people. People who love to theologize, philosophize, proselytize, and to recourse to “argumentum ad hominem” to their heart’s content.
People who mouth passages and verses of others, trying to make it their own (plagiarism) just to impress people of their superiority. So cruel and harsh.
People who force their religious beliefs on God and Jesus on others who don’t even believe in God or Jesus, condemning the latter to hell or purgatory if they refuse.
Enjoy your cosmic journey to heaven. I’d rather be in hell without you than in your heaven with you. I’d rather be with the unbelievers and illiterates in hell than with the geniuses and smart-assess in heaven.
These are people who are like wolves ready to devour others to feed their starved ego, dying to appear superior to others when in fact they’re full of inferiority complex.
I just don’t want to have anything to do with these hungry pack of wolves, who pretend to be open but deviously strategizing and longing hard to sermonize on their virtual pulpits who, after sucking all the energies and knowledge of others, attack and lambast them in return.
These people love to snare and prey on others into their nets to devour them like cannibals. They are pure and simple blood-sucking predators.
I have to be harsh sometimes just to bring home my point. Psychologists have something to say about these human wolves:
“When someone treats you like you’re just one of many options, help them narrow their choice by removing yourself from the equation.
“Sometimes you have to try not to care, no matter how much you do. Because sometimes you can mean almost nothing to someone who means so much to you.
“It’s not pride – it’s self-respect. Don’t expect to see positive changes in your life if you surround yourself with negative people. Don’t give part-time people a full-time position in your life.
“Know your value and what you have to offer, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve”.
~ Click here https://goo.gl/0ITtx2 to read the article "12 Realistic Signs It’s Time To Let Go. January 25, 2015.
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Caveat emptor!
I only know of one individual who preferred to go with his predator to hell than be in heaven alone.
Adam could have stayed in heaven without his wife but opted to go outside Paradise where there was so much pain and suffering, than to be in heaven, in the Garden of Paradise without Eve.
But many have learned their lessons. Even this hellish Planet of Pain and Suffering can still be transformed into Heaven.
Today’s Adam and Eve are doing just that. They still live joyfully and blissfully for the remaining days of their lives by remaining true and faithful to each other “till death do us part”
There’s a word for it, Gaslighting. But be careful that it does not happen to you!
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D. - May 31, 2022
Gaslighting is generally known as a form of emotional abuse that makes you question your beliefs, experiences, memories, understanding, and perception of reality and events.
It can confuse you and cause you to question your judgment, memory, self-worth, and overall mental health. You may begin to doubt your memory of what happened. Encouraging confusion or second-guessing on your part is exactly the intention of gaslighting.
It can be used as a tactic by a person who consciously or unconsciously want to bully, abuse, manipulate, control, or wear down your self-esteem and self-confidence, leaving you captive on the person gaslighting you.
Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over you, by distorting and twisting your sense of reality and forcing you to question your own judgment and intuition.
They can exert efforts to convince you that you are mentally unfit or too sensitive. But, in the end, they want to sow self-doubt and confusion in your mind. Ultimately, you start to feel unsure about your perceptions of the world and even wonder if you are losing your sanity.
Gaslighters are usually adept in using philosophy, theology, religion, metaphysics, science, mysticism, or spirituality to manipulate and abuse you.
Before you know it, they can entice and welcome you to their world, praising all your goodness and importance as a person. If they gang up on you, you can become helpless and do nothing, and may even fall to their syndicated moves as an unwilling or loyal victim.
Research studies on several gaslighters discover some patterns when people are gaslighting you. Here are some signs I gather on gaslighting and their effects on us:
1. They are pathological and habitual liars and frequently exhibit narcissistic tendencies. Maybe they do not know this anymore because they are too engrossed in their own world. Their minds are already closed. But they are very convincing. They can sweet-talk you in your journey through life.
2. They deny things you know to be true, even if they know that you are telling the truth, and even if you know that they are not telling the truth. Additionally, they tell you that other people also think this about you. These people may have never said a bad thing about you, but the person who is gaslighting you will make every attempt to get you to believe they do.
3. Gaslighters are engaged in bullying and emotional abuse. They are notorious for denying that they are not doing anything wrong. They do this to avoid taking responsibility for their poor choices.
This denial can leave the victim of gaslighting feeling unseen, unheard, and as though the impact on them is of no importance. This tactic also makes it very hard for the victim to move on or to heal from bullying or abusiveness.
4. Yes, gaslighters bully people. They are great manipulators, deceivers, exploiters, and controllers of other people’s lives.
5. They usually distract you from what you are saying. When you ask them a question or call them out for something they did or said, they may change the subject by asking a question instead of responding to the issue at hand. This only throws off your train of thought.
They can say to you: "Calm down," "You're overreacting," or "Why are you so sensitive?" All of these statements are designed to belittle or minimize how you're feeling or even to acknowledge that what you're thinking and communicating to others are wrong.
6. When you deal with someone who never acknowledges your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs, you may begin to question them yourself. What's more, you may never feel validated or understood, which can be extremely isolating, shaming, and difficult to cope with.
7. They pretend to be concerned of your psychological well-being. They may pretend to be worried about you while subtly telling others that you seem emotionally unstable or "crazy." They might say something like, "You know how much I love you. I would never hurt you on purpose."
8. These words may be what you want to hear, but they are inauthentic, especially if the same behavior is frequently repeated. That said, they may be just enough to convince you to let them off the hook, which allows them to escape responsibility or consequences for their hurtful behavior.
Unfortunately, this tactic can be extremely effective and many people side with the gaslighter without knowing the full story.
9. Blame-shifting is another common gaslighting tactic. Every discussion you have is somehow twisted to where you are to blame for something that occurred.
Even when you try to discuss how the abuser's behavior makes you feel, gaslighters are able to twist the conversation so that you end up questioning if you are the cause of their bad behavior. For example, they may claim that if only you behaved differently, they would not treat you the way that they do.
What to do when people are gaslighting you?
Once you realize that you are being ganged up, leave the group immediately without any hesitation and do not care with them anymore, if only to avoid their negativities and toxicities.
Wish them well in their cosmic ride to heaven, even if this means you are going to hell without them.
But here are some tips psychologists suggest to avoid or protect yourself from gaslighting.
1. Gain some distance: It can be helpful to take a step back from the intense emotions that gaslighting can evoke. Physically leaving the situation can help, but you might also try using some relaxation techniques such as deep breathing or grounding exercises.
2. Be careful of revealing about yourself: your beliefs, career, culture, background. They prey on these information. Gaslighters can use their knowledge about you to attack and lambast you.
3. Save the evidence: Because gaslighting can make you question yourself, work on preserving evidence of your beliefs, lifestyles, modes, experiences, time period.
Keep a journal, save text conversations, or keep emails so that you can look back on them later and remind yourself that you shouldn't doubt or question yourself.
4. Set boundaries: Boundaries tell others what you are willing to accept in a relationship. Make it clear that you won't allow the other person to engage in actions such as trivializing or denying what you have to say.
5. Get an outside perspective: Talk to a friend or family member about what you are going through. Having another person's perspective can help make the situation clearer to you.
6. End the relationship: While it can be difficult, ending a relationship with someone who repeatedly gaslights you is often the most effective way to end the abuse.
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By the way, be sure that you are not the one gaslighting. Do not do this to your family, office mates, friends, and even to those you consider unfriendly to you.
Of course, it’s your choice also to be a gaslighter or not.
Here's a beautiful recap of the various discussions on gaslighting
Paul J. Dejillas, Ph.D.
The views below are not mine. I gathered them simply from various researches and articles that appear in many search engines.
1. Gaslighting can include a range of tactics including lying, distracting, minimizing, denying, and blaming.
2. When you are dealing with someone who uses gaslighting as a manipulation tool, pay close attention to what they do, not the words they choose.
3. Being subjected to gaslighting can cause anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns including addiction and thoughts of suicide.
For this reason, it's important to recognize when you're experiencing gaslighting. Ask yourself if any of the following statements ring true:
1. You doubt your feelings and reality: You try to convince yourself that the treatment you receive is not that bad or that you are too sensitive.
2. You question your judgment and perceptions: You are afraid of speaking up or expressing your emotions. You have learned that sharing your opinion usually makes you feel worse in the end, so you stay silent instead.
3. You feel vulnerable and insecure: You often feel like you "walk on eggshells" around your partner, friend, or family member. You also feel on edge and lack self-esteem.
4. You feel alone and powerless: You are convinced that everyone around you thinks you are "strange," "crazy," or "unstable," just like the person who is gaslighting you says you are. This makes you feel trapped and isolated.
5. You wonder if you are what they say you are: The person who gaslights you says words make you feel like you are wrong, unintelligent, inadequate, or insane. Sometimes, you even find yourself repeating these statements to yourself.
6. You are disappointed in yourself and who you have become: For instance, you feel like you are weak and passive, and that you used to be stronger and more assertive.
7. You feel confused: The behavior of the person gaslighting you confuses you, almost as if they are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
8. You worry that you are too sensitive: The person minimizes hurtful behaviors or words by saying “I was just joking" or "you need thicker skin."
9. You have a sense of impending doom: You feel like something terrible is about to happen when you are around this person. This may include feeling threatened and on edge without knowing why.
10. You spend a lot of time apologizing: You feel the need to apologize all the time for what you do or who you are.
11. You feel inadequate: You feel like you are never "good enough." You try to live up to the expectations and demands of others, even if they are unreasonable.
12. You second-guess yourself: You frequently wonder if you accurately remember the details of past events. You may have even stopped trying to share what you remember for fear that it is wrong.
13. You assume others are disappointed in you: You apologize all the time for what you do or who you are, assuming people are let down by you or that you have somehow made a mistake.
14. You wonder what's wrong with you: You wonder if there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. In other words, you worry that you are not well mentally.
15. You struggle to make decisions because you distrust yourself: You would rather allow your partner, friend, or family member to make decisions for you and avoid decision-making altogether.
If you identify with any of these signs of gaslighting, it's important that you talk it out to your close friends or confessor and Guru to get their views on the matter. This is what I immediately did when I encountered my hellish experience.
They can verify your experience and help you process and deal with what is happening to you.
Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health.